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2002-03-15 - 1:25 a.m.

i am so siv right now. maybe you�re thinking, what�s the point of this secret identity alter ego thing? well i�ll tell you.

a vast desert wasteland of cold detached rationality. impassive, cavalier, not the mushy ball of emotions that i truly am. somehow every time i feel a little less weak. and something siv would never be is codependent. she would never be that. and so we start this familiar habit over again. whereby my personality does this darwinian adaptive thing and i decide there is a better way to be. a less painful way to be. so i put on my tablecloth glasses and stare in the mirror until there is more of her than me. and yeah i know the nasty bloody infected thing is still there. and it fucking burns, but at least i don�t have to look at it.

baah