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2002-04-16 - 2:13 a.m.

#67

okay. god this is sort of�oh fuck it here diary do your stuff.
this is classic complete junior high crush. intense style. can you feel me looking at you? i just can�t help myself. this is so much more than wanting to fuck. i want to be tiny and crawl inside your ear. i want to be in between your synapses. i want to feel your tongue on my tongue. i want your saliva to mix all up with mine. i want you in my mouth so badly. quit looking. i can�t, it won�t work. i can�t ignore it.
the last time i saw him he was wearing pink. god-lovely. i wonder about you but you never wonder about me. so here it goes. your father was blue collar. all the way. and your mother was beautiful in the pictures from their wedding day.you had one sister older, much too older to be friends with. you have nightly rituals. something you always think about before you go to bed. you don�t believe in god. you hate it when your food touches. detached--like i don�t want to be. you leave before she wakes up. you used to feel guilty. ignored it so long you went numb. even fucking is just another form of numbness. but like extreme awareness of the hole that used to be emotion.

baah