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2002-02-25 - 11:18 p.m.

it was so nice outside today. soso very nice. leah and i went to germantown dam and held spooky wiccan rituals on the chimney of death. it was very dark and mysterious. we also gave sexual pleasure to some dormant aquatic worms. i should have gone to philosophy, but like i said, it was sososo nice outside. i wish my computer wasn�t broken. that is icky. i missed chris a lot today. i hate saying that. i hate admitting it. i guess the worst thing is when i think about it, i know i�ll never be in love again. not that i don�t want to, i just really don�t think it�s going to happen. i do like people, i mean as in humanity. maybe some people wouldn�t see that in me, but i really do. there are even some parts and bits of people that i absolutely love and adore. but it is very rarely that i love a whole person. and love every bit and even the not-so-good bits.
but i could be wrong. it�s been known to happen. maybe i�ll look back on this years from now, when i�m oh-so happily ever after, and giggle at myself. maybe that will happen. i doubt it though. this playing about is old already. just playing with people who don�t even get the joke,. i�ve got this whole subtext going on that they don�t even realize is there. it�s just worthless. i�m not trying to be elitist. i�m really not. here, it is just automatic.

baah